I didn’t realize the days have been going by so quickly! I really dropped the ball with the blog so this is going to be a long post!! You CAN opt out now. Hit the X….I’m sure Buzzfeed has some great articles about toys from the 90s or reasons why Octopuses are the baddest bitches in the ocean. (REAL article by the way. See? don’t tell anyone I don’t look out for your everyday education up in this blog. You are welcome.)
So how am I doing halfway through this Paleo diet? (which, btw, my mom won’t stop calling it the Pa-O-lio diet and telling people that I’m eating like a cavewoman…as if I didn’t sound crazy enough.)
Well, I’ll start with the biggest obstacle of my weekend….
Now, I’ve heard people say, “you don’t need alcohol to have fun.” Well…let me tell you….these are definitely Paleo people because they probably live in a cave. In the woods. Away from bars. These people have also probably never been to the bar with a group of drunk girls while completely sober on a Saturday night. Maybe I’m being dramatic…but case and point: I went out for the first time since I started Whole30 this past weekend…and it really tested my willpower. SO much more than food. However, I did figure out a few things while stone cold sober at the bar….
First things first, I can only describe my dancing to you all as the whitest moves in all the land…it’s pretty embarrassing when I’m drunk. And what did I learn on Saturday night? Home girl still has NO rhythm. Drunk OR sober. Luckily, my friends have awesome dance moves and are apparently very willing teachers while intoxicated…so I took it upon myself to take copious mental notes to better my technique and execution. (PS-and thanks Laur for teaching me the, “walk in-walk out” move to LMFAO-yes…I’ll be saving that for a special occasion.)
Second thing I learned: If you go to the bar and don’t intend to drink, you better have a drink in your hands that LOOKS like a gin or vodka & tonic or you will get nagged. “Why aren’t you drinking tonight?” “Can I buy you a drink?” Or the toughest thing in the universe-when the bartender makes you and your friends shots, makes you one by accident and you have to watch someone else drink YOUR sweet tart vodka shot. What kind of fuckery is that?
So I made it through the night generally unscathed…however, just when I thought it was over–while driving home I was prompted (multiple times) to stop off for pizza. Now, if you know anything about drunk girls and food, they’re VERY persistent little creatures. I couldn’t find pizza but I stopped off at the next best thing–a fresh bagel place open 24 hours. I mean, I’m not gonna be an asshole just because *I’VE* decided to be a food masochist this month.
When I finally got home I had a lean turkey patty with balsamic, and some blueberries. Definitely not as good as pizza, but I’m winning these small battles one day at a time.
So really by the end of the night when I recap: I saved money, I saved my body from giant hangover and I saved calories. I felt like I missed out a little, but I’m glad I’m sticking to this 100%. And Sunday instead of being hungover, I ACTUALLY contributed to society–went to a work meeting, went on a hike, went out to dinner, then went to Lauren’s and baked Paleo sea salted chocolate chip cookies. (thanks Kathryn for the recipe! 🙂 ) Usually when I’m hungover on Sundays I’ll just plow through seasons of a TV show and roll around my bed in pain (only making an effort to leave the room for Blue Frost Gatorade, watermelon sour patch kids, or a greasy meal).
Now…back to these magic cookies. First off, Whole 30 kind of has this “thing” about NOT baking/cooking things that resemble food you can’t eat (i.e. cookies, pancakes, etc.) They refer to this phenomenon as, “Sex with your Pants on.” (think Justin Timberlake in Bad Teacher) If you’re too lazy to read, essentially it’s the idea that what your making is never going to taste as good as the real thing, and because of this eventually you are going to want REAL cookies, pancakes, ice cream or whatever food it is that gets you all jazzed up and potentially fall off the wagon…
However, I had a few rough moments this weekend besides Saturday night–we had a huge bakeoff at my work meeting. While everyone went up and had one of everything–I sat alone with my plate of fruit in a sea of empty chairs mumbling, “You are better than the cookie. you don’t NEED the cookie. You NEVER needed the cookie. The cookie is out to get you”. There was also sitting through dinner at my family’s restaurant. Present at dessert were two of my favorites–tartufos and cannolis. I’m pretty sure I zoned in pretty hard on the platter and made everyone around me pretty nervous. I knew after that I had to bake SOME type of treat before I compromised this whole shindig. I DESERVE these cookies dammit!
So after dinner, I drove over to Pathmark to pick up the ingredients. Then over to Stop and Shop–where they had to ask over the loudspeaker if anyone knew where the organic coconut milk was. Then there was the coconut nectar which apparently was too diva for the grocery store so I had to get a bottle from the Vitamin Shoppe–yes you read that correctly. It took me over an hour to gather about 8 ingredients. You want to talk Paleo Caveman diet? Cause I’m pretty sure what I experienced was the 21st century version of hunting and gathering.
I was lucky enough to have Lauren help me bake the cookies (with cooking I’m all about it but baking is a whole other ball game for me…) When we blended up the hazelnuts, coconut products and cocoa together to make Nutella, Lauren let me lick the batter. Now, what happened next I’m not sure if I can really explain….when I went to eat the Nutella I felt a mental trigger go off. It was a weird trigger that I know has been dormant since I started this diet. It was of extreme satisfaction–and all of the joys associated with cookies and chocolate bars and bread and ice cream started flooding back to me. After this…I understood a little better what they meant by, “Sex with your pants on”. I think in the future I’ll know better.
Thankfully it was a small batch of cookies and I let Lauren keep some of them so I did alright. I also decided that given how amazing I’ve been feeling since I started this diet that on the 31st day I will let myself splurge only a little bit. I really want to try and stick to this diet…why go back to feeling like crap again?! Just to recap the benefits–I’ve been sleeping better, my skin is better, I have more energy, AND my anxiety (I’ve always struggled with it) feels like it’s getting better every day. Right now, my theory is I will do 80% paleo 20% other–especially during the week. I WILL drink again and have a few things–I can’t live like this forever (Whole 30 is really just a reset) but seeing as I officially signed up for Rebel Crossfit August 8th I want to see how the paleo goes hand in hand with the crossfitting.
So maybe this blog will go on a little bit longer! For the 2 people who probably stuck through that whole post— I wish I could give you like a cuddle, a high five or a paleo cookie. Thanks for listening to me ramble!
Some fun with Paleo cookies 🙂